What do I love?

Being Valentine's day ... it makes me stop and think about the things that I love most. My son, husband, family ... I want to live my life in a way that honors and expresses what is most important in my life. Having spent the recent half decade fighting for my life, I find it hard to not spend life doing something meaningful. I didn't fight this hard to do something that no one will remember in twenty years.

My Jaden will only be young once, I will never get these years back with him. I want to embrace where we are in life and make the most of it. Realistically, I know I might not be able to stay at home forever, but I want to when it means the most. I acknowledge that making the most money now will help in the long run, but what is money without memories?

I think about what makes me the happiest about my job, and truly I'm the most happy when I've helped someone ... and not just helped them within my job responsibilities, but when I was able to go above and beyond and do something special for someone. That really makes me happy. For some it's about self pride or accomplishment, or perhaps it's about making something beautiful. For me, it's about making a difference for someone. A smile, a thank you, a relief. I like to make people feel as special as they truly are, even if no one else sees it.

So, what would I do with all my time at home if I didn't work? Well, I would teach Jaden, have time for chores, try to sell more things on etsy, enroll Jaden in sports or even start him with music. Jaden and I could go for walks, to the library, the museum. I would have time to take him to the doctor without having to stay late at the office making up the time. My life would have meaning and I would have made a difference to someone if I were at home. Maybe one day....